Day 65

Wow. It’s Day 65 — that’s more than two months of staying in! The weather has shifted from being too hot to now rainy. Just like school breaks a decade back. I know I kept on saying that every time I do this journal type of thing haha but today, I will try my best to make it different!

The week’s looking pretty manageable in terms of workload and I ain’t complaining, I’m savoring these moments as much and until I can! About spending, well I pretty much broke the streak and now I’m waiting for five shipments, while one has already arrived, making it a total of six online orders l o l sorry I’m too weak to resist!

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I saw Comet over the weekend and I really appreciate it. Like, I’m still hungover. I spent last night replaying that one scene that broke me over and over, and I don’t know if it’s the movie alone, the state where the community quarantine brought me or that Ian and I were in such a mood at the time too, but it seemed like my ability to feel had been gone for a while and now, it’s like it’s back — my feelings, they’re home.

Though sad feelings are what it gave me, I’m just glad to feel this much again. And if it’s possible to keep these feelings, to collect, and remember them, consider this as an attempt. I guess that’s the whole point of why I’ve been doing this all this time — why I’ve been writing on my journals ever since I could remember, why notebooks are something I’d never learn to outgrow and why I’ve been “blogging” in this manner since I was fifteen. I wanted to keep everything in my hands, and to always, always remember them as they are.

If anything, I guess the community quarantine has been bringing me back to my basics, and though I miss the outside world, my people, I never realized that I have been missing myself too. A lot. And it’s good to be reconnecting with her again, and we’re not yet done catching up. This may sound too dreamy and self-absorbed, but I’m in no rush to go back to the old normal. I know I’d eventually have to, but right now, I’m asking for more time.

I miss Ian, sure, and I can’t wait to reunite with him again. It’s the first thing I would want to do when everything’s all okay. But moments like this take me back to where we started too. I’ve never had this privilege to revisit those days in a while, in many many years, actually.

Those days are still the most beautiful days of my life.

Beautiful and sad.

Sad and beautiful.

Oh, to be young.